On Not Knowing It All
Yesterday I was listening to speeches made at a rally on behalf of the people of Egypt and Syria. I didn’t like what I heard.
I didn’t feel that the speakers had a commitment to truth. It appeared that they’d say anything that supported their cause, whether truthful or not.
That wasn’t really what I wanted.
However, when I consulted myself, I noticed something equally disturbing.
I noticed a thrownness within myself to want to represent myself as knowing something I actually did not know.
I know so little about what is really happening in Egypt and Syria that I’d best be silent on the matter. But there is at the same time a part of me that somehow wants to represent myself as knowing something. So there was a very minor war going on within myself.
The thrown part of me wants to be seen as knowledgeable and has been around since early adulthood. I think it rises up at a time when things are changing and often when things are changing for the better. I kinda relax and it bubbles up.
I once described it to the Arcturians in a reading with Sue Lie as a part of me that gets arrogant if I go too far, too fast in feeling confident or self-assured. They reassured me but I remain wary of that side of myself.
I’m not saying this to follow it up with some pat comment from the conventional wisdom. That doesn’t satisfy me either and is just Class B membership in the know-it-all club anyways.
I want more than that.
And I guess that’s the point. This lifetime has to be about more than just what I can get from managing my image, creating a persona that others may like and that wins me biscuits. It’s not a lifetime that’s about what I can get. It’s not a lifetime about me. I probably have had plenty of those kinds of lifetimes, but this is not one of them.
If it were, I’d feel that I’ve let myself down by selling out to image management.
What’s more important than what I know is how I feel about Syria and Egypt. And how I feel is immeasurably sad that people should be dying.
How I feel is immeasurably set against this violence and war continuing. And I feel distraught at not having answers to what may be required to have the bloodshed end. But that is a fact and I can’t dance around it. I don’t know what to do and I know I don’t know.
Archangel Michael has answers. Last Hour with an Angel he said that if all of us created a common intent to have war end in Syria, if all of us prayed together, it would end.
How to create common intent? I’ll have to stay with that. Numerous ideas come to mind.
But from this line of inquiry, what emerged for me is that I don’t know it all. I never will and probably don’t even want to.
This deeper sense of what calls to me, what moves me, what arises in me to be expressed, that for me is much more important. I’m moved by the thought of world peace. I’m called to stand for it. I’d even be willing to die for it.
What I’ve found from this inquiry is the ground under my feet, the ground I stand on, not what can be won through self-promotion and selling my image.
And with that comes – perhaps not peace for the world – but peace for me. It isn’t about me. It never has been and it never will be.
It’s about the outworking of the Divine Plan. The only way it could be said to be about me is that, having seen that Plan, (1) I accept it and thus it’s my Plan. I bend the knee to that Plan and work for its success.
(1) “Ch. 13 Epilogue,” The Purpose of Life is Enlightenment, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/spiritual-essays/16244-2/the-purpose-of-life-is-enlightenment/ch-13-epilogue/.
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